Adulthood is changing
I'm wondering if I'm part of the final generation where progression into adulthood was seen as linear. You know the path I mean... school, Uni, house, married, kids, car, job, die. Reductive I know but you get the gist.
It appeared to be treated like an arrival point. You get there, settle, cope. But that's all changed hasn't it?
I think more adults than ever are turning to coaching and personal development in general not because it's a buzz word or because they think they're broken but because old definitions of "normal adult life" don't fit reality. And it's trend not driven by fragility but as a response to complexity.
Adulthood used to come with a script and now it doesn't.
I don't want to come across as someone who's just read a lot on this topic (because I have for a recent assignment) but it's also a trend that's showing up very clearly in my practice. It's still true that identity is largely inherited from roles and social expectations but the tides are slowly turning. We're moving into a more self-authored phase rather than being ok with a prescribed developmental path. Research into adult development (who knew that was a thing?) is showing us that our identity paths are much more variable, delayed or being disrupted (through choice) (Arnett, 2015).
Out in the "real world" we're seeing this as career pivots not ladders, relationships that don't follow timelines, questioning values and identity regularly rather than setting them as a foundation set in stone. Don't get me wrong, this real world is still functioning and looks "fine" from the outside but more and more adults are quietly renegotiating everything on the inside. We're seeing adulthood as an adaptive time, not stable like we might have been mis-sold.
This is where adult development theory gets interesting
Well it does for me (ha!). Kegan's work (1982, 1994) frames maturing as an adult not with age but how we make meaning - especially under pressure and complexity. Shifting from being shaped by anything external to becoming a self-author. We start life under the impression that "Who I am" is defined by what's expected of you and then move into the unfamiliar place of "wow, I actually get to choose my values?!". If you've ever been jolted into that reality, you'll remember how initially uncomfortable it felt.
It also explains why so many capable but high-functioning adults feel a bit "stuck" or "lost" despite outward success (which is subjective, I know).
Therefore, coaching isn't a luxury, it's an adult learning response.
And if you come at from this adult learning perspective, it makes sense. Adults don't necessarily learn through instruction or advice (I know I don't!). We learn when things feel relevant to learn, through our own experiments and reflections - application to real life (Knowles' theory of andragogy).
Coaching works because it supports identity development, helps adults integrate insight into behaviour and creates space for meaning-making, not just problem solving. It's not about fixing people, it's about helping adults adapt and be agile - psychologically, relationally and behaviourally. And we can't forget to acknowledge that we're doing this for lives perhaps more complex than we were prepared for.
The evidence backs this up (with nuance, I'm here for the nuance)
Coaching psychology research consistently shows positive effects on outcomes like goal attainment, wellbeing, self-regulation, and work performance, particularly when coaching is psychologically informed and relational rather than purely performance-driven (Theeboom et al., 2014; Athanasopoulou & Dopson, 2018).
It might feel like magic (I love it when it feels like magic) but it's structured reflection, accountability and sense-making done well.
And hey, fellow mid-lifer, you'll be pleased to hear that this life-stage is recognised as a key developmental phase where identity, meaning, health and our contributions (purpose?!) to the world are are actively renegotiated (Lachman et al., 2015).
You're not being self-indulgent. You're showing up for the next developmental stage...on time.
What I'm seeing in practice
I rarely meet with a client who's come to coaching because they don't know what to do. They come because their old definition of success feels "off", their inner story doesn't match what they might otherwise consciously choose, and they're trying to make change, decisions from an outdated version of themselves. I help with the reset, the software update if you like for your mind, values and direction.
A new definition of "adult"
If these norms are shifting, our definition of adulthood needs to shift too. So instead of "I should have this figured out by now", we can change it to "I can keep learning how to steer".
Nothing to do with arrival and everything to do with adaptation, authorship and psychological flexibility. That's modern adult development.
References for your interest:
Arnett, J. J. (2000; 2015) — Emerging adulthood
Kegan, R. (1982; 1994) — Constructive-developmental theory
Knowles, M. — Andragogy
Theeboom et al. (2014); Athanasopoulou & Dopson (2018) — Coaching outcomes
Lachman et al. (2015) — Midlife development
